m.i.a.

hey peeps!  so, you may have noticed, but i haven't been on top of the blogging so far this year.  i thought i'd share with you why that's been the case.

first, let's back up a couple of months to right after the last time i posted on here.

in february we had many birthdays in our family. lots of get-togethers and good times were had.  then the end of february we took a trip with my mom, two of my sisters, and my sister's husband, to disneyworld. a very fantastic, crazy, magical, exhausting, fun time.  we returned from florida, hoping to ease back into life, and focus on art, music, etc. that wasn't the case, though.

some health stuff happened that scared us both a bit. a couple trips to the emergency room, a hospital admittance, a slew of tests... march was off to a rocky start.  things have relatively calmed down over the last month, but the health stuff definitely shook us up. it also helped us to put some things into perspective. basically, i went into protective mode, and anything or anyone that i felt was stressing rick out or not a healthy part of our life at the time was out.  God gave me the strength to have some strong boundaries.  boundaries to protect rick, to protect me, to protect our family.  and it felt good to do that. to support rick and love him the way he constantly and consistently supports and loves me.

in the midst of all of that, though, some good things - things we love, people we love - were moved to the back burner.  things went undone (blog posts, for instance).  emails went unwritten.  even all the art stuff - creating it, working on my etsy, taking prints to catching fireflies - it became less of a priority.  rick and our family were the top priority.  taking care of him and of us came first.  everything else i'd just have to sort out later.

and here we are at "later."  i've wrestled with guilt about not focusing on my art and the business the last few months.  and not spending time doing it has led me to my share of doubts, too.  "is art even what i should be doing right now?" "do i really want to be doing it?" "is this realistic?"  i'd go to write on here and wonder if i should share the doubts - share honestly about where i was emotionally right then.  but then i'd think that maybe i should wait until i had more encouraging, positive things to write about. 

i was thinking about my desire to put on a happy face in the midst of my doubts and frustrations.  in my experience i've found that it can be a little alienating and isolating when people only share about the highs (and never the lows) in their lives.  i think sometimes the people who only share the good stuff are really positive, grateful people.  sometimes, though, i think they're people who are afraid to admit how hard things can be.  there's this unspoken lie going around that sharing your fears, doubts, and insecurities says something negative about who you are, and that you're the only one who feels that way.  operative word here: lie. 

the truth is, we all have those days when things seem so hard, when the world seems so dark, when anxiety threatens to take over.  i've found comfort and encouragement in those times from people who are willing to admit they have days like that too.  they're kindred spirits that i feel like God has given me to walk with along the journey, reminding me that i'm not alone.

the last couple of months have truly been a perspective check for me.  three (of the many) things i've been reminded of through all of this are:

1) life has a way of interrupting our best laid plans (i.e. creating new artwork, getting together with friends, writing emails, posting regularly on a blog...)

2) when that happens, have grace for yourself - it's okay, and

3) i want to live my life honestly.  this blog is a teeny-tiny glimpse into my life, so it makes sense that on days when i'm frustrated, my blog posts will reflect that.  on days i'm encouraged, my blog posts will reflect that.  and so on, and so forth.

all of that being said, i'm off to deal with another one of life's interruptions - a leaking kitchen ceiling.

hope you are well, friends.  much love!